ENDED: Win tickets the Animal Collective & the Grizzly Bear shows in Seattle!
Give us a fight to the death scenario between 2 wild beasts for a chance to win a pair of tickets to each of the bands’ upcoming performance in Seattle
CONTEST HAS ENDED!
Thanks to everyone that entered, a winner has been chosen and contacted. We always get a ton of views on the contests, but only a very small percentage of those become entrants. It can raise the question of if we’re constantly hosting these things in the worst possible way, but I love how one entry will prompt the next entrant to try even harder and that we always have a handful of very different, but well thought out entries every time. So… thanks again. I’m also away that by combining 2 shows, it makes it difficult for those who wouldn’t have been able to attend both, but wanted to see one or the other. We wanted to make one person really excited this time and give them something to do for 2 months in a row.
As we state every time, the winner was chosen somewhat arbitrarily based simply on what we liked. While I really enjoy how people step out of the box with these and that will often put you in good favor, this time around, I think that we just really wanted to see a real death match. Only one entry really provided that for us; so, after careful deliberation, the entry by DRH ultimately won this time around. This time we were hungry for blood. We just wanted to see some blood.
thanks again
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[CLICK HERE to jump directly to giveaway]
Before I get started with this, I can’t overlook the fact that the Grizzly Bear promo shot on the left looks like some kind of summer fun shampoo commercial or something. I swear it’s an image of a band called “Grizzly Bear,” it’s not The Plain White T’s. Man, it really is a terrible looking set of fashion boy beach photos, but we’ll have to get past that if we intend on getting anywhere in this post. Really quick though, and completely off the subject, but did that band The Plain White T’s intend for their name to so aptly resemble “the plain whiteys“? And how about the Black Keys (the blackies)? Also, is the White Stripes a reference to face drugs? Further also, why is only one of the guys in Animal Collective named after an animal?
Getting back on track here… both Animal Collective and Grizzly Bear will be coming to Seattle to perform at the Paramount Theatre. They will not be performing together, however; each band has a separate show on a separate date in a separate month. But the reason that we’ve decided to do a joint post about them and, even more specifically, a joint contest involving both of them, is because they seem to be somewhat linked together over the last few years. Each of their last albums gained hype around generally the same time, with Animal Collective‘s Merriweather Post Pavillion released in January of 2009 with an early buzz surrounding it and Grizzly Bear eventually making a public apology for posting one of it’s leaked tracks onto their own blog ahead of time. The latter’s Veckatimest followed in May. Each of the 4-pieces‘ brand new albums are both being released this month as well, with AnCo‘s Centipede Hz officially hitting shelves today and Shields by Grizzly Bear–which also happened to leak today-– set for a September 18th release date, the same day that Animal Collective plays here in Seattle. They are also both strongly connected to that New York experimental scene, even though Animal Collective originally hails from Baltimore. Then, of course, they both have gained incredibly strong followings and fanbases, which they often share and, last but not lease, have also brought them each a sufficient number of haters.
Our friends at the consistently impressive Seattle Theatre Group have offered us a pair of tickets to the Animal Collective show on September 18th as well as another pair for the Grizzly Bear show on October 5th. We’re not doing 2 giveaways, however, or even picking 2 winners. 1 person is going to get all 4 tickets (2 for each show). It’s all or nothing folks. But first, here’s…
A LITTLE MORE BACKGROUND
Grizzly Bear really seemed to gain prominence with their 2006 sophomore album, Yellow House, which eventually led to them opening for Radiohead in 2008 and creating even more anticipation for their follow up in 2009. When Veckatimest finally dropped, it played further on the bands penchant for layered vocals and harmonies, containing a sound that member, Chris Bear has even credited as being more “accessible” than their previous work.
Animal Collective began much more distorted, abstract, and noise based. While they do also incorporate vocal layers and Beach Boys-esque harmonies, their sound was birthed on layered textures, unorthodox sounds, static, feedback, and the incorporation of electronics. Each member has so much involvement in the direction of the group, while working on their own solo material, that an “Animal Collective” release is considered any project that involves 2 or more of the 4 total members. Before that, they would simply label the releases with the name of each individual separately, as with the first AnCo album, Spirit They’re Gone, Spirit They’ve Vanished (2000), which was originally credited to “Avey Tare and Panda Bear.” Out of that NY scene, which included such acts and cohorts as Black Dice and Gang Gang Dance, Animal Collective slowly migrated towards working with a more streamlined and melodic sound than many of the others. Whether you considered them to be putting out more “accessible” material or otherwise, they definitely became accepted by a much broader audience.
Once Pitchfork starts giving you album of the year honors, it’s pretty much curtains for your underground status and a lot of original fans turned away from Animal Collective, based in part on their new directions and, I believe, even more so, due to their being embraced by more mainstream culture. I feel that’s a big mistake that the majority of us have been guilty of with something at one time or another, but that fear of how we view ourselves and how what media we endorse reflects that image of ourselves, is murky territory. Animal Collective have done a lot to affect and contribute to music and culture since their inception, such as helping to revive the career of 60‘s cult folk musician Vashti Bunyan after a 3-decade absence and using their label, Paw Tracks to help launch the career of Ariel Pink, as well as to put out music by relentlessly experimental groups like Black Dice and Excepter. This, of course, is a double-edged sword, with Pink being labeled as a pioneer of Chill Wave music and endless groups imitating the Animal Collective sound these days, but I believe the fact that they even have a sound to imitate says a lot about who they really are as a unit. These guys collaborated with Arto Lindsay after all, and just because they might not have continued in directions quite as avant garde as some may have anticipated or hoped for, it doesn’t mean that their primary focus isn’t still on music, first and foremost, or that they still aren’t fascinated with exploring its capabilities. Even though they may hold a sufficient amount of responsibility in regards to spawning a lot of painfully terrible aspects of our present culture, bands and otherwise, I think it’s a mistake to discount them for what they have provided to it. It’s like ragging on the Beatles because Ringo put out a bunch of wack shit later on and thousands upon thousands of their imitators are so fucking terrible.
I may be completely off on my assessments and/or reference points, but it seemed like Grizzly Bear came along at the right time for them, during an era where their sound would be more easily accepted. Either you were down or you weren’t, but they didn’t have such a crazy foundation that would mark them as betrayers of their past. Still, somewhere along the lines, it seems as though much of their fanbase has indeed cross-polinated and aligned with that of Animal Collective. So… here’s where we give one of you jokers an opportunity to catch them both. Have a friend that thinks one of the groups is better than the other and your opinion is the exact opposite? Why not take them and you guys can take the Pepsi challenge with this shit?
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THE CONTEST / GIVEAWAY:
*One winner will receive a pair of tickets to see each of the following shows
&
Friday, October 5, 2012
Both shows will be held at the Paramount Theatre in Seattle
HOW TO ENTER:
This contest is being titled “Grizzly Bear VS Panda Bear” and will focus around all of the animal references. Alright, there really only seem to be bear references (Grizzly Bear, Panda Bear, Chris Bear..), but it’s still going to be more generally animal based.
#1
Your task as the entrant is to provide a fight to the death scenario between two (or more, if you wish) different animals. Which beasts are battling? Which one wins/survives? Which dies? How? Why? Be as minimal with it or as detailed as you feel is necessary. Provide a strike by strike description or just get straight to the point, already. It’s up to you.
#2
Post your answer in the comment section below.
#3)
There is no part 3. That’s all there is to the contest. It’s pretty easy… but you should probably read the fine print.
The Fine Print:
All entries must be received by Saturday September 15th at 11:59 pm to be eligible.
You can enter as many times as you want but, use a valid email so that we can contact you.
If you sign in with Facebook, make sure that your account can accept a message from us.
Winner will be chosen arbitrarily, based on our personal “favorite”, so try to be interesting.
If you are not sure that you will be able to attend these shows, do not enter! You will be placed on the list for the Animal Collective show, it can be very difficult to switch up the guestlist names at the last minute, and we don’t want these going to waste.
If we are unable to contact the winner in a reasonable amount of time, a new winner will be chosen.
[If you have any intentions to post comments asking us to pick you, or asking when the winner will be announced… how about, just don’t do it? It’s pretty fucking obnoxious and it won’t help your chances.]
Ty Seagall vs. A Seagull. Ty Seagull and A Seagull get into a fight over some french fries. Seagull calls all his other Seagull friends to join in the fight and peck Ty Seagall to a bloody pulp. This angers Ty Seagall and he picks up his guitar and blasts a noise not meant for animal consumtion. The Seagull is disoriented and trys to fly away but the confusion causes him to fly into water and drown. Win for Ty Seagall!
Narwhal vs. A Unicorn. Obviously the Narwhal has the advantage with these two aspects, the fight has to be in the cold icy waters of the Arctic because the Unicorn can swim but the Narwhal can’t walk on land. Second The Unicorn will lose simply because it’s not real unless you believe in it & Narwhals don’t believe in Unicorns.
“Did you hear about Diana?” Roger asked over dinner.
Cindy looked up from her plate.
“Is this about her new apartment?” she asked.
“Well, sort of,” said Roger. “Apparently some skunk from over across the swamp mugged her on her way home from work yesterday. I can’t believe you didn’t hear about it – the whole forest was buzzing.”
Cindy’s small, beady eyes grew a fraction wider.
“Oh my god!” she gasped. “I was telling her just last week that I didn’t think moving that close to the highway was a good idea. ‘It’s not safe for a single woman like you,’ I said. Those exact words! That horrible neighborhood just isn’t safe! Oh Roger, that poor girl!”
Roger shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
“Well, it’s not exactly like that,” he said.
Cindy’s small, beady eyes became a fraction narrower.
“What do you mean? I mean, surely a chipmunk as small as her must be pretty beat up after a run-in with a skunk!”
Roger twisted his tail in his hands.
“I mean, she’s okay, isn’t she?” Cindy asked. “Oh Roger, please don’t tell me she’s died.”
“Nothing like that,” Roger said. “No, it’s sort of the opposite, actually. Apparently the skunk is on his last leg in intensive care.”
“What?!” gasped Cindy.
“I mean, as far as I understand it, he tried to catch her in an open space, but she was able to get up a nearby tree. The skunk tried to spray her down, but I guess he misjudged the breeze or something because it all ended up blowing back down in his face.”
“No,” said Cindy.
“Yeah, and then it gets crazier,” said Roger. “So the skunk is writhing around at the foot of the tree trying to wipe his own stink out of his eyes, and Diana comes down and just goes crazy, just starts biting him all over the place. The skunk tried to defend itself, but she bit off both of his paws.”
Under her fur, Cindy blanched.
“But that’s not the craziest part. This skunk is flailing around, leaking blood out of his stumpy arms, smelling like sin, but that’s not enough for Diana. So she bit off his…well, you know…”
Roger looked knowingly at the nuts left on Cindy’s plate.
“You don’t mean to say…”
“Exactly,” said Roger. “By the time they found him, he’d lost so much blood they didn’t think there was much they could do. And Diana was still just sitting there, smelling like skunk, even after she…well. The whole thing was written off as self-defense. I don’t think she even went in for questioning.”
“Well, I never,” said Cindy. “How horrible. I mean, the poor dear, but still…his…”
Her voice trailed off and they finished their meal in silence. Just as they were getting up to clear the table, their noses began twitching.
“It smells like skunk, Roger!” Cindy gasped. “You don’t think she’d try and come here, do you? I mean, we can’t be seen with her! Not now, not after… it’s too soon! Animals would talk!”
“Turn off the lights and I’ll lock the door!” Roger hissed. “We’re not home!”
They peered out from their darkened windows at the forest floor, waiting for a knock at the door. It was too dark for them to see that the smell was actually from the skunk, dead now, being wheeled slowly past the foot of their tree, out to the edge of the highway for pick-up.
Bear Diary – Entry 1 – Location Unknown
Two days ago I awoke in a state of sheer panic with a blistering headache. My surroundings were completely unfamiliar, and though I recognized that I was famished, I wanted nothing more than a few laps of water from the river I’m used to waking up near. It is clear to me now that I must be very far from my river.
I’ve spent the last 48 hours consuming enough berries and fishes that my bear hunger is sated. I’ve drank enough river water that my thirst has been slaked. But I’ve not seen anyone other than stupid fishes since I’ve awoken.
Bear Diary – Entry 2 – 5 days In
I’ve been thinking a lot about Bruce the Moose. 5 days and nights I’ve been completely alone in this strange place, and I could be spending my time thinking about my girlbearfriend Cher or my best bearfriend Pierre…But no. Clumsy Bruce.
I’d kill to hear the familiar distant, but terribly noisy sound of Bruce slipping down the hill again. A sound that previously brought about a visceral reaction of abject irritation (you see, I like to sleep late. Bruce the Moose is a morning Moose. Countless times I’m awoken by his big, dumb, clumsy hooves falling down Big Little Hill. The clopping as he attempts to regain his hoof-ing mid-fall. The stupid, guttural groan when he finally reaches the bottom.), would now warm my bear heart.
There’s no sign of anyone and I’m beginning to worry I may never return home to my river.
Bear Diary – Entry 3 – 9 Days In
Tracks. Fresh tracks. From the looks of them, not very different from my own. Followed them and their scent to a nearby river bank, but the trail went cold.
Bear Diary – Entry 4 – 10 Days In
Still no sign of the source of the tracks.
Happened upon a shredded human-made paper posted on a tree. It was written in English, a language my bearclassmates often chided me for attempting to understand. It reads “Monster Fresh Showdown – Grizzly vs Panda Bear”. Have I been transported here by this “Monster Fresh”? For some sort of contest?
Bear Diary – Final Entry
This will be my final entry. I’ve befriended the curious bear-like “panda”, Amanda, the same one I was sent here to battle to the death. United by a shared new enemy, we’ve dedicated ourselves to bringing the creator of this “showdown” to justice. Amanda predicts we’ll arrive in Seattle in 2 or 3 weeks time, if we hurry.
So long, dearest bear diary.
Zuzu the trash-eating dog VS Bubba the alley cat:
The classic canine versus feline feud was never more true than when Zuzu the psychotic apricot mini-poodle killed Bubba, the chubby gray cat. This is the untrue story of how it happened….
After a heavy mating session, Bubba jumped on a ledge to peer at Zuzu, the Prozac popping pup, sitting on the lap of her senile owner. With sharp claws, the cat challenged Zuzu to a battle for king of the roost. With lives on the line, Zuzu gnawed her tail off in a nervous fit until working enough guts (and pills) to face Bubba.
Zuzu dug her way through the carpet and outside where Bubba was still perched. Bubba thought of TKO as he somersaulted down toward Zuzu’s throat with unclipped toenails that rivaled Wolverine. Lo and behold, Zuzu’s pencil-thin legs unleashed their unfathomable force and leaped onto the building in a single bound.
Trained as a circus trapeze poodle, Zuzu evaded Bubba’s lunges and lit her body on fire by tumbling on a unsquelched, smoldering cigarette. Zuzu knew Bubba’s weakness… Water. She engulfed Bubba’s body by grazing her flaming fur on Bubba. The oncoming trade-wind intensified the fire as Zuzu’s thick coat saved her seconds before she stopped-dropped-and-rolled into the neighbors pool. Within milliseconds, Zuzu returned to sink her teeth into Bubba, whipping her hair back and forth to flail lifeless Bubba into the trash heap. Zuzu headed back inside only to relieve herself to the dismay of her family.
(Disclaimer: names were changed to protect the innocent)
In the dark of a moonless night, the grizzly bear cried onto his plate of salmon. He knew the salmon had just been trying to have a good time in the river, that the salmon just wanted to spawn a bit and swim a bit and make its way home to its birthplace. Now there would be no more of that. He cried all over his fish. And then he ate it.
FATHUDWHOCK.
Swerving, Fox looked in his rearview mirror.
Damn opossums, he thought, shaking his head.
Why do they always have to be so suicidal?
And welcome back folks!
Tonight, we have a momentous tete-a-tete in the ring for you; a match
you’ve been waiting all season to see.
After countless preliminary games, we have finally arrived here..to the
finals! Many lives have been lost, many
countries have been shamed, many monies have been taken (in gambling rings)
along the way. We’re brought here
now. The final showdown to determine who
is truly King.
Tonight we have from the deep Amazon Basin, the amazing Angler Anaconda –VS. – from the Northern tips of Siberia, the wicked
Walloping Wolverine!
The referees validate the conditions, quickly re-brief the
contenders on the pertinent rules, and the fighters take their corners. Coaches patting them down, providing last
minute tips they learned from pouring over the tapes. One last gulp of sweet hydration and the
hooded robes come off!
DING! DING! (bikini clad
round keeper takes a turn around the stage)
ROUND 1:
Obviously Wally comes out teeth barred. The energy from the crowd only bristles his neck
hair pricklier. His waddle, hardly
comical, wanders around the ring scouting out his opponent. Angy, in typical fashion, is playing
everything super cool (as if this arena-noise wasn’t deafening). Keeping her eyes fixed on Wally and steadily
staking out the situation with that slithering tongue, the snake is calmly balancing
the wolve’s aggressiveness.
Strike! Swipe! Wally goes right after the leathery tail! Angy suffers a few scratches but is far too
swift to be in any more trouble. The
attacks barely register in the cold stare.
The wolf is already poised to strike again as Angy settles back into a
coil of bundled energy. The crowd’s rage
rolls on, Wally goes for closer to the head this time….and SNAP! Wally gets a grip! He’s getting his limbs wrapped around the
snake to confirm his grasp. Anacoda is starting
to writhe like Galloping Gertie! This
could be it, folks! The snake’s head is
just far enough out of reach to strike back at Wally, and the length of the
wolf’s body is too great to start the constriction process. Wally just clamping down harder and harder
now….but Angy is staying strong and riling around without too severe signs of
tire.
DING! DING! (topless round
keeper takes a turn around the stage)
Both contenders feeling a bit of exhaustion from this first round,
but the clear winner for this portion of the evening is Walloping
Wolverine. Absolutely no question,
Angler Anaconda is going to need to take an attack position if she has any
hopes of donning that crown.
ROUND 2:
Angler looking like the coach’s quick notes may have made a
difference. A bit of vitality seems to
have weaseled its way into the coldblood’s fight. Wally comes out with customary blinding
smile, but this time the snake is quickly traversing the ring. SWOOSH!
Wally goes in, only getting the side of the wire cage! Angy is sliding around in her trademark
sickly smooth way. HISS! The snake jumps enough to send the Wolverine
scattering! ANOTHER SNAP! Angy is on the offensive! Wally looking for any relief in the back
corners of the ring while scouting out the first moment to make a strike. WOMP!
At precisely the same moment the snake and wolverine meet in the middle
of the ring. Angy leaps right to the
wolf’s core while Wally gets another great hold on the snake, this time digging
harder and deeper. The two are locked on
each other and a healthy river of blood is tracking its way down toward our
announcer booth.
A deep, solid hold. There’s
another 20 seconds folks….
Hold.
Hold.
Hold.
Neither beast dares loosen a grip.
Neither remotely looking to retreat.
Hold.
Hold.
Blood is starting to spurt.
Is that the snake’s or the wolverine’s?!
It’s tough to tell folks, blood is spurting everywhere! Now we can see there are definitely multiple
spouts of crimson. As the fangs of the
snake deepen into the organs of Wally, he’s beginning to feel the toll. But his grips into the reptile are also worsening
the 5 serious wounds.
HOLD
HOLD.
DING! DING! (The naked girl cowers down by the
scorekeeper’s table.)
HOLD!
HOLD!
HOLD!
They’re not retreating folks.
This has transcended any sporting event; this is now simply a deathgrip.
BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD!
BLOOD! BLOOD!
The refs have given up hope to break this ironclad embrace.
BLOOD!
It looks like the wolf is losing it, people. His grasp is loosening slightly, and his eyes
are of complete defeat.
HOLD….
DEFEAT! ANGLER ANACONDA HAS
WON!!!! Wally has completely lost his
grip due to expiration!
Angy is looking to the ceiling and the crowds for the adoration of
being a winner. She’s losing a lot of
blood though! As she lifts her head to
look into the blinding lights, she whimpers as the last few drops of cold blood
snake their way out of her body.
In her coaches’ embrace she dies, leaving the match with a
complete win for reptiles but a stalemate in today’s contender population.
Both of the bodies will be sent back to their respective countries
with honorary gold medals. Thanks to all
of the contestants in this year’s contest, and from the Briar Patch here in
sweet Djibouti, good night!