The perfect home for your nuclear family

So lets face it. The world is going to shit faster than a trucker at an all you can eat buffet/casino/gas station/strip club in Montana. Are you gonna be a Johnny Do or a Johnny die? Only the strong and smart will survive, the rest of you douchebags are doomed to total destruction. At least it will be a quick death, that is unless you become a Johnny Do and prepare for the future of real estate. Go get a pen and paper and get ready to copy these words down if you want to provide a safe future for you and your family. Go on, I’ll wait. You ready? OK, now put your pretty little eyes as close to your computer screen as possible and concentrate on what I am about to type: Abandoned Atlas and Triton Missile Silos!

Awww come back. I am fucking serious here. Look into my eyes, do these look like the eyes of someone who would fuck with you about the safety of your family? Good. Now take a deep breath and open your mind (you may want to pop in a breath mint as well. I’m just saying…sometimes you don’t know, and I know I would want someone to tell me if my breath was – wait, now I am getting distracted, back to the tip).

If you want to get your grubby little hands on some prime post nuclear real estate you are going to have to go through Edward and Dianna Peden. In the spring of 1995 these visionaries moved into their first silo near Topeka Kansas, and some time later the real estate visionary Tim Schwartz contacted the Pedens and they began to buy up all the silos they could for dirt cheap. You may have to fix them up a bit, but these properties are the BOMB and kids love them.

The prices go from 1.8 million to about 70 thousand dollars, and you will have to kiss city life goodbye and say hello to life in Kansas,Oklahoma, or some other backwater amber wave of grain. I bet once you buy in, you get to join some sort of secret society of silo owners, with a handshake and everything. Your friends will be soooo jealous when they see you at the Silo Homeowners Investment Team barbecue. Mmm, ribs just taste better when cooked over what once housed a missile that could incinerate millions in a matter of 40 minutes flight time!

Who knows? Your next door neighbor could be making an important scientific breakthrough while you are reading your Sunday paper with the comfort of knowing your family is safe and sound. Trust me, there will be plenty of excitement, why back in the year 2000 (THE FUTURE!!!WOOOOSHHHH) the DEA busted one of the largest LSD labs in American history. The silo had enough LSD in it to provide two hits to every man, woman, and child in the western hemisphere, and still have over 200 million hits left over!

Mark and Linda Hannifin struck post cold war gold one day when they found a silo for sale in the local classifieds newspaper. Now they are the proud owners of the Worlds largest deep-diving training facility located just outside of Abilene, Texas.

Ohhh just think of the wonders you could create behind 12 inch thick airtight steel doors!

So buy buy buy, before they are all gone and you are stuck in the nuclear winter without your Tyvek jacket.

-M. Hersted