SEATTLE

Dead C (aka/Genius Christ)

RAINBOW$ AND CRYSTAL$ MEET COCAINE AND PISTOL$. He saw Neil Diamond at the Key Arena in ’99 high as fuck on acid. He has a book of Mormon from the ’60s signed by Ike Turner and Wesley Willis. He’s had psychological evaluations wearing a T-shirt covered in his own bloody whiskey vomit with a picture of someone blowing their brains out while listening to devil music. They tried to tell him that he is “Hyper Manic” and a “Borderline Narcissist”. THEY ARE ALL GODDAM FUCKING HATERS!!!!!!! He’s Puerto Rican and Jewish Dammit & is the new king of Pop…rec’nize!!!

Seattle

Prof. Milton Hersted

Some say he came from the darkest areas of the Congo, others say he floated down from space on a purple, three horned, ant eater. All you need to know is that he has come here to blow your mind, or to lick your face (if you are deemed worthy). So, put the kids to bed, open up a tall cool one, and read the teachings of the Professor. Class is in session and the cute girl in the back row has been naughty and will have to stay after for a little *cough* discipline.

Japan

D.W. Patton

D.W. Patton was born to an American family in the United States of America. Early in his life, Mr. Patton witnessed a masterbating walrus on a family trip to the zoo. He often wonders how his life would have been different had he stayed to watch the climax of defiance. And, how would it have been different if his elephant ride hadn’t been delayed by that big grey pooping elephant’s big greasy elephant poop.

“Life is not a movie. Life is not a bible. My life is an adventure. Allow me to share it with the willing.”

Atlanta

Dr. M. Jablonski

“A Blarney of a man, and an object of desire“- unknown

“yeah, you pretty much ruined it for everybody”- pissed off Maori lady

Thriving in his hometown of Atlanta, he takes it up a notch and refuses to give the notch back, even after repeated requests. He is a master in nunchuckery, an entrance/escape artist, and a sonnufabitch. He once rocked- and helped to ignite- the Poney (pronounced po-nay) hairstyle phenomenon. He is a lover, an artist, a snowboarder, a tireless concert-goer, an international traveler/fugitive, and a “foam out cha mouf” Atlanta Braves fan. He is banned from 13 casinos in Vegas, and is in fact a certified reverend. He shoots lasers from his eyes, and he can also beat the living shit out of your ass in foosball, upon request.  From East Point to Shaolin, y’all betta know dat!

Seattle

CAPT. O.G. READMORE

San Francisco

MEMES

Austin

DR. Radical

CHICAGO

Slug

Seattle

Sean Prince

Popularity: 1% [?]