Back in our Oct. 2007 interview with with Charlie Day, I asked the It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia star/executive producer about marketing.  More specifically, I inquired about if there had been any show-related merchandising ideas that had been thrown around “Anything along the lines of ‘It’s Always Sunny’ in-soles or bondage gear?“  Now, it looks like the cleverly absurd merchandising possibilities for the show creators are finally beginning to hit their stride.

Last night’s episode of the FX program revolved around the concept of the gang trying to capitalize off of a merchandising convention that was coming to town.  Various product concepts were presented by the crew, including a shotgun that blasts liquor, but in the long run, the only successful idea that garnered any interest from investros was Charlie‘s “Kitten Mittens“.  In the real world, however, another one of these ideas has actually been put into production and can be purchased by you through a website specially created for that purpose.  That’s right, DICKTOWEL.com actually exists.

Watch the video:

Along with the sale price of $19.95, there is also a $6.95 charge for shipping and handling.

It’s a little steep, but I’m sure that this will make a nice gift for Christmas or Hanukkah, etc.  As far as Kwanza?…..TERRIBLE!  Where is all of the dark meat?!

To Purchase visit DICKTOWEL.COM now.

For those out there who want to double the bang for your wang, I found the following youtube video.  The instructor in this clip can be a little annoying  in some of his delivery, but he teaches you how to fold your towel into the shape of an origami penis.  This adds new dimensions to the entire concept, but be careful…  This may be the first time that anyone has folded a two-dicked towel into the shape of a huge 3-dimensional unit and there may be repercussions pertaining to paradoxes and the space-time continuum.

Television today is so exhausted.  It seems that every time I turn on the old boob tube, there’s either a new reality show or crime scene investigator series going down.  Not to mention the remakes.  Beverly Hills 90210, Knight Rider, Battlestar Galactica, Flash Gordon…  Come on people!  David Haselhoff is the only man allowed to drive KITT and Flash Gordon was corny as fuck to begin with.  Have we run out of ideas?  Have we been conditioned to just except this shit as entertainment?

I remember the good old days when I would get home from school, flip on the TV and rock the After School Specials.  There was nothing like sitting on the couch with my bowl of Cheerios watching Helen Hunt jumping out a second story window high on pcp just to show us kids that drugs are bad or, the A-TEAM.  Take a bunch of trained military lunatics, stick them in a pimped out molester van, add some action, a little adventure, and then just throw MR T in that bitch and we’ve got a show folks.  Even the sitcoms back then were good.  Taxi, Cheers, and the Cosby Show were simple concepts, but the content was funny.  I’m sure you’re reading this and thinking, “Fuck this guy, CSI Miami is the shit!” and I’m sure it is, but it’s played out.  In fact, it’s all played out.  That’s why you have to be more creative if you want to make a TV show that will get my attention.  Not even necessarily with the concept but, defintiely with the content.  That’s also why I was so excited when I read the  pilot script for a new project by the writers/creators of  It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX), one of my favorite shows currently on television today.

The new program is titled, “Boldly Going Nowhere“, and is sci-fi comedy about the day in the life of an intergalactic starship captain.  A “leaked” script has been floating around the internet for little while now and, although there has been speculation that the script was real, no one seemed to be 100% positive of that fact.  We knew the project existed, but wanted to make sure that the, so called, “pilot script” was legit before moving forward.  At this point, we have been able to officially gain confirmation of it’s authenticity by someone extremely close to the project.  Although projects at this stage are prone to changes and adjustments, we believe the that the rest of the information that we have on the project is on point as well.

The original idea came from Always Sunny writers assistant Adam Stein, however, Charlie Day, Glen Howerton, and Rob McElhenney will be doing most of the writing.  The pilot was shot last October and the Fox network ordered five more episodes.  Though the Paddys Pub crew will not be starring in the show, from reading the script, it seems to hold a lot of the same elements: a group of socially deranged people form crackpot schemes that worsen their situations.  It was like a cross between a Always Sunny, The Office, and Spaceballs, only minus the Star Wars references, cubicles and alcoholism.  The story begins on the starship “Rock Collector 7“, floating through space.  The captain, Ron Teague, is addressing his crew about the sexual abuse the holo-deck has been undergoing.  While it’s intended use is for training purposes, the crew has found more erotic uses for it.  Teague is also stressing the fact that they are way behind on their moon rock quota, which had been due months ago.  Meanwhile, there is an inspector from the alliance waiting to board and the ship is far from running smoothly.  The plot thickens as the inspector realizes the mental status of the ships occupants.  Without ruining if for you entirely, I’ll just say that I thoroughly enjoyed it.

The following is a run-down of the cast, as of the October 2008 filming:

Captain Ron Teague- An arrogant son of a bitch who’s main objectives are to arm the starship with nuclear warheads, flee the alliance, and go on exploratory space adventures.  He will be played by Ben Koldyke who previously wrote, directed, and starred in the star wars parody called “Jedi gym“.

Captain’s android companion- A robot sidekick who Capt. Teague has had reprogrammed to be bald, insecure  and with low self esteem and a baby dick, in an attempt to bolster his ego and decrease the chances of a robot uprising.  He will be played by former Arrested Development actor, Tony Hale, who is, ironically, also known for dancing to Mr. Roboto in a 1999 Volkswagen commercial.

Lutenant Lance Grigsby- A naive, spineless, dishonest man who acts as the captain’s “little bitch” and puts the rest of his time and energy into his kids and wife, who is clearly using him for his money and cheating on him.  Grigsby will be played by Always Sunny actor/writer David Hornsby.  Bruce’s relative has also been featured as a regular cast member on “The Mullets“, and “The Joe Schmoe Show“.

Startemis- A portly, eccentric female communications officer who enjoys showing off her skills with the “Kiljovian” war sword.  The character will be played by Artemis Pebdani, a last season addition to the Sunny cast.  Artemis performs weekly in “Big News“, a live sketch-comedy show in Hollywood, based on the weeks current events.   She also rocks out in the musical performance group The Discount Cruise from Hell, with Sunny actress/wife of Charlie Day, Mary Elizabeth Ellis.

Cobalt- Is the ship’s chief of security.  He has an insistent “Im not gay“/prison mentality, which adds whole other dynamic to the script and, his obsessions with bodybuilding, sporting banana hammocks, and locking up “punk ass bitches“, make him a force to be reckoned with.  Cobalt will be played by The Wire’s Chad Coleman, who’s resume includes the TNT made for TV movie, “Monday Night Mayhem“, in which he protrayed OJ Simpson.

Joyce-  Is a mentally unstable pilot whose sexual frustration, extreme insecurity and invalidation leaves her very close to the edge and ready to fly into the sun at any moment.  This role will be filled by actress Lennon Parham, a veteran of the Upright Citizens Brigade.

It’s hard for me to find television programming that I enjoy and most of the shit that’s airing now is terrible.  With the exception of a handful of programs, I haven’t been able to find anything that I can identify with.  I want adventure, I want robots, and I want spaceships, nut jobs and asshole personalities.  That’s what I can relate to and that’s what this script offered.  Of course, I have not actually seen the pilot or witnessed the chemistry of the actors as a whole, but I laughed my way through this script numerous times and my faith in its creators makes it easy for me to say this will be a show that I will definitely be dedicating my time to.  I’ve heard nothing about an exact air date , as of yet, but I will try to post an update in the Soapbox forum as soon as I do.

-O.G.

(photoshop credit goes to Crack Baby G. and yes, that is an image of a flying Yugo)

You know that show that you love so much that you can’t believe that it actually made it on to the airwaves?  The one that isn’t even on a paychannel, Comedy Central, or Adult Swim.  It’s crass but extremely well written and it doesn’t pander to the mainstream television audience by dilluting itself.  When you watch it you can sense that it is the result of an original idea followed through to the end with little or no corporate intervention and restrictions.

OH!  You do?!  Now how about one that hasn’t been cancelled?

If you are still with me, you probably know about “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia“.  The FX Network program’s pilot was shot originally as a short film by 3 struggling actors in LA for no more than the price of the DV tape.  They were then actually ballsy enough to try and sell it to networks by demanding positions as executive producers, head writers, and starring actors.  It worked and was so well received that Danny Devito actually returned to television just to be part of the cast.

If you haven’t seen it, or even if you have, I suggest that you save your tip money and go out and buy seasons 1 and 2 on dvd.  Oh, you “need that money“?!  No you don’t.  Just smoke your friends weed.  Bring the show over and they will be happy to kick down.  The program has actually been MonsterFresh tested and approved to heighten the effects of chronic herbs.  Your friends won’t kick you down?  Sorry kids, but remember there are always knife hits.

I recently had the opportunity to interview Charlie Day, one of the 3 co-creators, and his wife Mary Elizabeth Ellis about their experiences as a couple and about starting the new third season, among other things.  You may recognize Mary Elizabeth from the program as well.  She’s the one playing the coffee house waitress.  Yep, that one.  The one who Charlie (Day’s character) always tries to lay his mack down on but she refuses to holla back.  (if you haven’t caught on yet, this is a Sucker Free interview)

DEAD C:
I appreciate you guys doing this interview with me, especially because I know that I have totally slacked on it, but I recently threw my back out because I am, apparently, out of shape. People ask me how I did it and I have to tell them that I fucked it up by just standing in place or, possibly, from looking at something. Do either of you have any ideas about something a little more hardcore that I could use as an excuse? You know, maybe something involving leg wrestling or puma?

CHARLIE:
You could tell people that you got bit by a snake in the back just before you killed your first snake.

Mary Elizabeth:
Here’s my secret

I know that the cast resides in L.A. but how much of the program is, or has been, filmed in Philadelphia beyond the opening credits? Do you take any specific measures to include or exclude anything that would disrupt the impression that it takes place in the city?

I’d say 40 percent of what you’ve seen was shot in Philly. We go every season and shoot there for a few days. We put the scenes in each episode to give the show it’s Philly feel.

Philadelphia has an age old debate that rivals the Hatfields and McCoys and even Popeye and Bluto’s hamburger feud. I have to ask, Pat’s or Geno’s?

During the pilot shoot, my first cheese steak was at Pat’s. It hurt some and I cried a little, but I felt like an adult afterwards. I remember looking in the mirror to see if I looked older. The next year I had a salad b/c I was a g.damned actress on a Real TV show now and I had to be skinny. So I guess I never really gave Geno a chance. He seems like a good guy though.

I don’t care for cheese steaks. They make me shit my pants.

I know that you Rob (Mcelhenney) and Glenn (Howerton) were all actors in L.A. and that the original idea was to have your characters mirror just that. The idea to switch it up to bar owners in Philadelphia works great but I was wondering if there were any other suggestions that were toyed with before settling with that.

The Network didn’t want to make another show about actors in LA so we changed it. Rob grew up in Philly and we liked the idea of the characters running a dive bar there. It was a simple decision really.

I think they needed an occupation that would give them as much free time and ability to be fuck ups as being an actor does. There aren’t too many other feasible options.

So you guy’s just recently did a promotional road trip to different colleges, is that right?

We did a few colleges on the list but not all of them. The guys and I have been pretty slammed trying to finish this season.

Charlie and I had some other shit going on for a few of the first schools and then we had what felt like Pneumonia so we only made it to Penn. It was really fun though. People who love the show really love it and they are awesome! Of course, there are always the crazies who want any random person’s autograph just in case they may become famous one day far in the future and that is weird. You can usually tell they’re the latter if they look blankly into your eyes begging for a piece of your soul.

This hands on advertisement seems fairly innovative and personable and the concepts for the contests that have been set up to promote the show have seemed fitting as well, but have you had any suggestions thrown at you guys that you had to turn down flat for one reason or another? Anything along the lines of “It’s Always Sunny” in-soles or bondage gear?

We tried to do any advertisement they asked us to do this year. There was nothing too crazy. One guy did come to us with the idea of making Sunny pizza boxes and giving them to pizza places in college town but the Network go for it. I liked the idea.

As far as promotion goes, it sure has taken a step up, this season especially. The biggest issue that I have found is that so many people have said to me, “When is this fucking show on? I keep hearing about it but I can never find it.” I’ve also heard that word of mouth may have been a main factor in keeping you on the air past the first season. I imagine that there must have been points when you guys were concerned about contract renewals. Does FX offer the benefit of still being at the point where they can afford to take the time to push something like this that they believe in simply for its quality, without the same pressures as a larger network might face?

As for people not being able to find the show, don’t get me started. It drives me crazy, but now the DVD is out so that should help.

I’d like to answer that by commenting on how many people told me how excited they are to check out the show’s first season this year. Never heard of it before. So yeah, publicity stepped up a bit.

One cancelled show that I loved was The State. Both of you appeared on the same episode of Reno 911 (created by members of The State) back in 2004, where you played in-bred twins. That was 2 years before you were married. Were you already dating at the time, if so, how does something like that fire up a romance?

We were dating at the time and asked if we could go in together. We got to choose to either play a victim or perp, so we decided to be brother/sister lovers. Obviously, right? It was so fun to improv with Thomas Lennon, Ben Garant, and Kerri Kenney. What a great feeling to crack them up. It’s been one of my favorite acting experiences so far because I was obsessed with The State as well. We shot so much more than what aired. It was a rad experience.

Nothing says, “This is the girl I want to marry” like pretending she’s your sister and making out with her to get a job.

Mary Elizabeth Ellis, when researching your name via google, I found out that you died at the age of 80 from a sudden illness, that you were born a “Free black in Lynchburg VA in 1835, and that you have a background in theater, as does Charlie. Did you originally have a focus on stage work or did you always plan on going into film and Television?

I am an enigma wrapped in a riddle smothered with rhyme.  I started on stage and continue to work on stage actually-doing plays with Red Weather Theatre in L.A. and my band/performance art group “The Discount Cruise to Hell“. Check that shit out. I just really love exploring acting and I’m no Naomi Watts apparently. Where are all my fucking starring film roles?! Can I not play opposite a gorilla or Viggo Mortensen? David lynch- call me!

Actually, I know that you are from Mississippi. All that I know of Mississippi, unfortunately, comes from 8-Ball and MJG songs and from what I learned from a woman in her 50′s that I sat next to on a Greyhound heading to Nashville from Atlanta. She told me that she grew up eating Cougar meat. What’s the craziest beast that anyone ever tried to serve you?

That woman was either crazy or she ate all the cougar before I was born ‘cuz I ain’t never et cougar. There is, however, a delicious recipe for “Cooter Pie” and “Mock Cooter Soup” in my favorite cookbook which is entitled “White Trash Cooking“. My mother offered it to my boyfriend in high school, and I was mortified. Now I make a pretty sweet M.C.S., if I do say so myself.

How do you enjoy playing someone who despises Charlie?

It tears me up inside.

I thought that I had seen your character listed as Vanessa or something somewhere before, does your character still not have a name, or am I still tripping in a Phish lot somewhere?

Oh, I think we’re all in that Phish lot sir. I believe it’s a plot point. Don’t screw it up.

Your character seems to show up just often enough to be effective as a “straight man”, or, in this case, just someone with average enough ethics. Is that how you view your role on the program?

Oh no- I have a whole back-story about what the waitress does when she isn’t where the cameras are catching the action. Oh man, I need some more work.

The characters often encourage each other to do horrible shit, but they can also at times prevent each other from it. It seems that one tactic that has been used, especially at the beginning of this new season, is to separate each other so that they are able to take things to the extreme levels that each character is capable of without any outside force to prevent them from going there.

I wish I had some force. Any kind of it.

You guys seem to use a few other characters at times as more ethical characters to play off and redirect energy in the script. Stephen Collins has appeared on the program as well as Dennis Haskins and Lynne Marie Stewart. It’s clear that Danny (Devito) has taken openly to the scripts without hesitation, but do you find that these other actors welcome an opportunity to work in a forum that would, otherwise, not be expected of them at this point in there established careers?

People love to act on the show ‘cuz it is a very actor friendly set. We encourage these established actors to play with the dialogue in ways they might not always get to. But I can’t say that for sure because I never worked on 7th Heaven or Saved By the Bell.

Lynne Marie Stewart was part of the Groundlings improv group as was Kaitlin Olson and Brittany Daniel was on That 80′s Show with Glenn. Is that how they were brought into working with you guys on the program?

Lynne Marie and Kaitlin auditioned but Brittany was friends with Glenn so we just asked her to do the part.

I’ve noticed that you’ve been able to experiment with adding more background characters in scenes, as well as messing around with inner dialogue and acid tracer effects this season. These things seem to add to the show without fucking up its consistency. You’ve even pulled off some pretty bold moves, as in making Frank Charlie’s Dad and killing off Dennis and Dee’s mom, without missing a beat. How much debate goes into what to use that will help enhance the show without destroying it?

A lot of debate goes into the writing but I don’t think a show can be destroyed. It’s a TV show not an embryo.

This season you made an episode availabe on Myspace that hasn’t even been aired and are now airing new back to back episodes every week. Was there a particular strategy behind that?

The Myspace episode leak was the Networks idea. I guess it had something to do with building hype.

You guys have always done the writing yourselves. Was it hard to add some writers this year?

It was easy to bring on new writers, but we still worked a lot on each episode.

As a wife who never sees my husband, I say, bring on more writers and editors. Please sweet Jesus.

I have one last question. You guys really seem to jab at each other in person like you do on the program, if not more. I know that you like to bust on Rob for being mistaken for Haley Joel Osment. Is Glenn’s girlfriend in a Trojan condom commercial, or does she just resemble that girl?

The Haley Joel Osment thing is crazy, one time we got off a plane in Philly and some woman cornered Rob insisting he was Haley, he denied it but Glenn, Kaitlin Mary Elizabeth, and myself confirmed the woman’s suspicions. As for Glenn’s girl being the Trojan girl, I don’t think that is the case, but it could be. That’s not the kinda thing you run around telling people.

I have no idea, but Jill is totally hot and she can be in my Trojan commercial anyday.

(It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia airs @ 10pm Thursday Nights on the FX Network)