On Christmas day of 2006, James Brown died at the age of 73.   The official cause of death was determined to be congestive heart failure, brought on by complications with pneumonia.   To anyone that remembers his haggard mugshot and takes into account the age of this man and the life he lived, it shouldn’t have been much of a surprise.  He was an amazing innovator who had a great run and left a stamp on the world forever, but it appeared that “The Hardest Working Man in Show Business” was all worked out.  Although the 3 separate New Years Eve performances/appearances that he was slated to make were canceled due to his demise, that didn’t mean that the spectacle was over. In fact, there was 3 separate memorial services held for him instead.  The first was at the Apollo Theater in NY on Dec. 28th, followed by a private memorial for family and friends in North Augusta, SC on the 29th, and then another large scale event on the 30th at James Brown Theater in Augusta, Ga.  Throughout these various services/presentations, the following was included: a open gold casket, a white glass-encased horse drawn carriage to transport it through the streets of New York, nachos, Michael Jackson, Bootsy Collins, a dance by MC Hammer, costume changes for the body, and more (yes… we’re fucking serious).

As is far too common these days with the deaths of celebrities, and even more-so legends, there was a lot of disputes regarding both Brown’s will and where his final resting place had been.  Much like we witnessed last year with the death of Michael Jackson, family members and others actually argued about where to rest the musician’s body.  They had already transported it all over the goddamn East Coast as it was, so I guess they figured that they could shift it around a bit more.  I’m sure it’s all in keeping with whatever they feel James would have desired because, honestly, who wouldn’t want their lifeless corpse dragged around by horses, redressed constantly, put on display, and then buried and reburied after their death?  First his body was temporarily placed in a temperature controlled room at his estate, before being moved to an “undisclosed location“, as his common-law widow, Tomi Rae Hynie, and his children viciously argued about where it’s permanent resting place should be.  It only took a little over 10 weeks after his death for both sides to come to an agreement “amicably”.  The decision was to build a public mausoleum and, in an effort to keep milking the cash cow, transform the former legends estate into an attraction the likes of Graceland.  Until then, it was chosen for the body to be held temporarily in a crypt at the home of Brown’s daughter Deanna Brown-Thomas.  Another private ceremony was held at Thomas‘ home, which was officiated by Reverend Al Sharpton, just like the previous 3.  Since that date on March 10, 2007, this is where the body has been laid to rest (or rather, “SNOOZE”) for the last 3 years.  Or has it?

As reported by the New York post, a 48 year-old woman by the name of LaRhonda Pettit is actually claiming that JB’s body has gone missing. (more…)

Popularity: 1% [?]

LSD…  it’s a helluva drug.  Back in the day, I did my share (and, perhaps, the shares of a few others).  Some believe that it has the potential to help turn you into such a super genius, that you appear freakishly insane to anyone else that’s not “on your level“.  Then again, it’s always possible that the reverse is happening and they really are going so ape-shit crazy, that it only leads them to believe that that they have a growing mental superiority.  One thing’s for sure; these chemical roller-coasters have the ability to twist up and whack out a synapse, like eating a parasitic egg-salad-sandwich from the vending machine of an interstellar truck stop bathroom.  The reality is that, even with all of the epiphanies and life lessons that one may obtain during these odysseys, there is really no scientific control for the experimenter/guinea pig and, short of a clone or view into a parallel dimension, no one can ever really know if they would have arrived at those same conclusions without the “aid” of the hallucinogen.  The good part is, since there is no way to make that determination, it doesn’t really matter and there are more detrimental things in the world than examining the differences between arrogance and confidence, exploitation and opportunity, respect and glorification, inspiration and contrivance, hustling and…well, hustling.  Despite the blatant self-aggrandizement implied in his stage name, Sean “Har Mar Superstar” Tillmann seems to have an incredibly firm grasp on these concepts and plenty of others.  Of all the electric realizations that I had, however, there is one specific principle that truly epitomizes Tillmann’s career for me: “Regardless of how clearly, simply, honestly, or directly you express a pure truth, it doesn’t mean that anyone else will, necessarily, hear, believe, or even understand what you are trying to relate to them.” (more…)

Popularity: 1% [?]

Ever since the 1950’s, when folks like Ken Kesey began stealing LSD from controlled scientific experiments and leaking/distributing it out to the masses, adolescents and young adults everywhere have made the determination that they could learn more by eating paper than writing one.  Often, previous interests like sports fall to the wayside and are replaced with hiking, dance, and/or a more intent focus on exercising one’s mind.  Mental and spiritual “advancement” may overtake the desire to become a creature of physical dominance.  For the most part, it has become widely accepted as a “truism” that psychedelic drugs and sports are not to be mixed.  Fortunately, those of us who have digested an adequate amount of the blotter and cube have realized that the mass acceptance of a concept doesn’t have much bearing on “reality”.  In fact, in the early Seventies, former Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher, Dock Phillip Ellis, Jr. disproved the theory that psychoactive drugs and sports should always remain mutually exclusive, once and for all.

In 1971,  Ellis gained a championship ring with the Pirates and performed as the starting National League pitcher for the All-Star game but, as is often the case, the MLB pitcher is more well known for his actions of controversy.  Among these incidents is a 1976 episode where he intentionally beaned Reggie Jackson in the the face (said to be in retaliation for a homerun that Jackson hit on him during the ‘71 All-Star game), his 1974 attempt to bean the entire Cincinnati Reds roster before getting pulled from the game, and a 1972 altercation with a security guard in front of Riverfront Stadium that resulted in him being maced.  Arguably, his most infamous feat took place on June, 12 1970, when he pitched a no-hitter against the San Diego Padres, while hopped up on speed and dosed out of his gourd on Acid.  In fact, Ellis actually obtained his very first stolen base in the Major League, during this game. (more…)

Popularity: 1% [?]

*original post created 12-11-08 for a sketchy website that breaches contracts and refuses to pay their freelancers in a timely manner*

I know how reckless you crazy kids are today, with your LSD and your magic mushrooms. You smoke your salvia divinorum, get “digital” with with your delinquent adolescent cronies off that Dimethyltryptamine, and liquid dance all night to happy-hardcore beats while hopped up on synthetic mescaline and designer drugs likes 2C-I.

Nobody’s going to tell you what to do, with your teenage attitudes and misguided views of invincibility. I’m not even going to try to attempt it.  What I am going to do, however, is break a few things down for you as far as hallucinogens go.

1) The environment is possibly the most important factor in how your night is going to turn out.

2) There are some locations that will increase the likelihood of your experience going South fast.

3) The “best” places to trip out are also often the “worst” and vice-versa.

Here are some of the riskiest spots to get spun out and act-a-fool in the Seattle area. (more…)

Popularity: 3% [?]

The title of this post pretty much explains it all.  Of course, if the recent Phish reunion shows were held on the West Coast, I would have titled it “Hella fools get arrested…”  Thousands of excited concert goers arrive in Hampton, VA to see their favorite 4-piece throw down the crazy funk jams that they’ve been dreaming of for the last 5 years, only to be fucked with imercifully by the local Po-Po.  You may have heard about this on various websites or even on your local TV news, but I’m calling bullshit on many of these reports and the operation as a whole. I’m also going to tell you exactly why. (more…)

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After seeing the Joaquin Phoenix appearance from last night’s episode of Letterman, I was reminded of a couple of other choice interviews conducted by the late night host over the years.  In the 80’s, Crispin Glover was on the show and that got really uncomfortable.  The weird moments were brought by Harmony Korine in the 90’s.  I figured that now would be a good time to try out our new polling feature and see if anyone had any feelings about which one of the interviews was actually the most awkward.  They all have unorthodox names and are groomed nicely so, I figured that part of it was a toss up.

Check out the videos below and vote.
(Remember: if you ever want to conduct any polls of your own, they can be posted easily in our forum, the Soapbox)

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Joaquin

Crispin

Harmony

Popularity: 4% [?]